Begin Again

After sharing my long and theatrical story of despair, a friend of mine replied cheerfully, “Congratulations on your new beginning!”

Well, that’s one way to jolt-pivot someone, mid-emotional break-down. It certainly caught me off guard, which isn’t easy to do. My initial reaction was the classic pause and curious tilt of the head. 

Wow! I thought to myself. I don’t know if that totally inspires me or leaves me feeling unheard.

I could feel the dark side tugging at the skirt of my thoughts, begging to play victim. But there was just a little too much sparkle and hope and excitement in her comment. No…I couldn’t fold on that one. 

“Hum.” I mumbled with inquisitive hope, my eyes still looking out into nowhere. 

 “You know what? You’re right!”

And just like that, I felt the heaviness of this seemingly dreadful loss wean softly into firefly twinkles of possibility.

Did my grief around this hardship disappear entirely? No. But her comment was potent enough to shed the outer layers of doom and gloom and shift my focus to what might await me in a fresh start.

Physical life is an ongoing collection of openings and closings. An energetic compilation of contractions and expansions. If you told me that in the midst of my anguish, I bet I’d stomp my feet and hiss with protest. But in the calm reflection of reason and insight, this sings true to me.

The bittersweet of it all is that the process is circular and ongoing. The thought of endless beginnings and endings in everything from relationships, to jobs, to moves—let alone human lives, well, it can be mentally and emotionally exhausting enough to want to throw in the towel. 

Yet, at the same time, there’s also a sense of peace that can be found in knowing all things have a natural ebb and flow, regardless of our performance. In other words, things come to a close because it’s time for something new. Not because we aren’t good enough, fast enough, strong enough or evolved enough. Our willingness, engagement and expression play a large role in the direction of our lives, but it’s the energy of all components together that create an even larger force, eventually shifting and morphing things into the next phase of life.

When we can see endings as energy that just changes form, then we will be actively taking part in creating new openings in their place. Trusting the natural rhythm of life in this way keeps us in flow with harmony and new beginnings.

                                                        Endings are just energy,
                                                               changing form.

Easier said than done, though, I know. Trusting at this level can be challenging. When precious things end without our consent and we’re left sitting at a new beginning, there’s usually a lot of snotty sleeves and kicking dirt. And the added devastation of most “endings” is that they aren’t always soft landings. But when we find ourselves with gravel at our face it’s ok to lay in the dirt for a while and pound the earth with despair until we feel a moment of self-declaration, standing up and brushing ourselves off to start anew.

In fact, it’s more than ok. It’s imperative to feel and express all that surrounds the process of what feels like an ending; fear, despair, sorrow, all of it. Because it’s feeling through the old that often leads to a breakthrough into the new.

                                           Feeling through the old is what leads
                                               to a breakthrough into the new.

The breakthrough also allows us to come to peace with that loss, helping us to trust the reasons for that energetic shift, whether we know them or not. When we can do this, we’re stretching our consciousness out of this catsuit of a physical body and merging with our soul into the knowing that there is more going on than meets the eye.

This level of trust in our soul’s path will help dissolve our minds perception of struggle so that we may participate with pure freedom, enriching our experiences here on earth. It also fuels fortitude so that we may continue winding ourselves up, again and again, to begin something we know will eventually come to an end.

But how can we begin to more consistently trust the unfolding of life?

In the case of what we perceive as an ending or loss, it’s helpful to challenge the emotional definition of the word “end.” Instead of viewing the end of something as bad, sad, painful and definitive, try to think of it as a bridge to a new beginning for all involved. 

As a simple analogy, imagine you’re running in a relay race with others. After you’ve completed your laps around the track, your mind may default to thinking that you’ve reached the “end” but you then pass the baton onto someone else. And so on, and so on. 

If we interchange time with miles for the sake of this analogy, the time we spent in the past at a home, a job, in a relationship and so on, could be seen as miles we “ran” in those experiences, energetically, until it was time for us to “pass on the baton.” Just because we aren’t passing the baton onto someone we can look square in the face doesn’t mean there isn’t either another human being or an energetic space that our leaving opens up for something else to fill. 

And so it goes for all things that feel as if they are narrowing to a close and ending. Behind the scenes they are really being prepped for rebirth and new beginnings. Yet, it takes courage to entertain this idea and fully incorporate it into our being. Especially when we look at certain experiences in our life as ending and feel we have to muster the strength to start over for the millionth time. 

Just like you, I’ve stood there many times, looking up at what felt like Mt. Everest and trying to figure out how to take the first step in putting life back together. But the key to peace here is seeing that it’s not really about starting over, rather simply about continuing. Just keep moving forward and adjust your desires and direction as you go. 

The truth is, I don’t always trust the process of life myself—but I will say that when I do; breathing feels better, loving feels better, living feels better. Maybe I’m reminding myself of these things as I share them with you. Maybe together, we can begin, again. 

RoadMap to Begin Again
1- Release emotions that come up around what feels like an ending 
2- Remember there really are no endings, just bridges into new beginnings
3- All things ebb & flow just as energy contracts & expands
4- Trust in the natural rhythm of life
5- Challenge your definition of the word, “end” 
6- Beginning is just continuing with new direction; keep moving forward
7- You got this